Howie Mandel admits he’s ‘living in a nightmare’ and details ‘painful’ struggle with anxiety and OCD

He’s been open and honest about mental health through the years.

And Howie Mandel admitted he’s ‘living in a nightmare’ as he detailed the at times ‘painful’ struggle living with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorders.

The 65-year-old comedian first exhibited symptoms of OCD as a child and told PEOPLE magazine that he leans on his family whenever he falls into a ‘dark depression.’

Standing strong: Howie Mandel admitted he’s ‘living in a nightmare’ as he detailed the at times ‘painful’ struggle living with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorders

Howie’s OCD materializes in ‘repetitive and intrusive thoughts and fixations, often brought on by his fear of germs.’ 

He admitted he now has the tools to help prevent potential triggers from making him spiral into an unhealthy fixation.

‘I try to anchor myself. I have a beautiful family and I love what I do. But at the same time, I can fall into a dark depression I can’t get out of,’ he said.

Honest: The 65-year-old comedian first exhibited symptoms of OCD as a child and told PEOPLE magazine that he leans on his family whenever he falls into a ‘dark depression’

Howie has been married to wife Terry since 1980, and the couple has three adult children: Riley, Alex and Jackie (who also struggles with anxiety and OCD.) 

He noted that the pandemic and living through a global health crisis was especially triggering for his mental health.  

‘There isn’t a waking moment of my life when ‘we could die’ doesn’t come into my psyche. But the solace I would get would be the fact that everybody around me was okay. It’s good to latch onto okay. But [during the pandemic] the whole world was not okay. And it was absolute hell.’ 

Love: Howie has been married to wife Terry since 1980, and the couple has three adult children: Riley, Alex and Jackie

The Deal or No Deal host was diagnosed in his 40s, but didn’t discuss his conditions until 2006 as he contemplated how it would affect his family. 

‘My first thought was that I’ve embarrassed my family,’ he said. ‘Then I thought, “Nobody is going to hire somebody who isn’t stable.” Those were my fears.’

The comedian, who is in his 12th season as a judge on America’s Got Talent, often uses humor as a way of getting through tough times.   

‘My coping skill is finding the funny,’ he said. ‘If I’m not laughing, then I’m crying. And I still haven’t been that open about how dark and ugly it really gets.

‘I’m most comfortable onstage. And when I don’t have anything to do, I turn inward – and that’s not good.’

Make em laugh: The comedian, who is in his 12th season as a judge on America’s Got Talent, often uses humor as a way of getting through tough times