Tracey Cox reveals the 8 most common sex accidents and how to treat them

When we talk about safe sex, we usually mean protecting ourselves against STI’s or making sure there’s enthusiastic consent.

But nearly 62 per cent of us have sustained sex related physical injuries, according to a recent poll (Superdrug). Those moans of ecstasy can rapidly turn to an infuriated ‘Ouch!’ or screams of agony.

Accidentally hitting or punching your partner, tripping or falling, sprained ankles, dislocated shoulders…sex can be dangerous!

‘Rough sex’ was the reason most cited by people admitting to sex injuries but even conservative sex can have dire consequences. The sex positions that most lead to injuries for most people are missionary for men and doggy style for women. 

The logical assumption is that the more complicated, athletic style positions are attempted far less, so fewer injuries occur.

Want to avoid injury at all cost?

Spend a long time on foreplay, use lots of lube, keep thrusting slow, choose unchallenging positions and be wary when inserting sex toys.

Sounds a little too vanilla?

Forewarned is forearmed. Here’s what to do when….

A toy gets lost

And I’m not talking about wondering which drawer you left it in. If you’ve been a little over-enthusiastic, dildos, vibrators or butt plugs can disappear out of reach inside rectums or vaginas.

Out of the two, it’s less of a problem if something’s lodged high in the vagina because there’s an ‘end’ to it. Chances are it’s hiding above or behind the cervix. Simply fish around with your fingers until you find something that feels like the top of your nose and hook your fingers around to feel in the nook behind it.

Losing something up your bottom is more of a worry because the object can move upward into the large intestine. This is why anal toys have flared bases, to stop you inserting it so far the toy suddenly decides to pack a lunch and set off exploring on its own.

It’s hard not to panic if this does happen, but the best thing to do is simply to wait for your next bowel movement and see if it makes a reappearance.

If it doesn’t, or you experience any sort of fever, abdominal pain or start to bleed, I’m afraid it’s off to the emergency ward immediately. And yes, it will be embarrassing but believe me, they’ve seen far worse.

You ‘break’ his penis

Yes it can happen – and it does happen.

You can fracture a penis if you bend it too far or hit it hard against something, usually by slipping out mid thrust without realising it and continuing to slam your hips forward into something hard and unwielding. Like a pelvic bone or bedhead.

The penis has no bones but the force can rupture one of the two cylinders inside that fill with blood to make it hard and erect. There’s often a ghastly popping or snapping sound, bruising, swelling and intense pain.

Nothing else for it in this scenario: straight to the hospital you go. And quickly (though few men need persuading!).

Prevent it from happening in the first place by stopping him from falling out. This can happen if you’ve used too much lube – both easily fixed by using a small flannel to wipe away the excess.

The position, size of his penis and thrusting style are also factors. If his penis is quite short and he thrusts long – pulling back on each stroke rather than staying deep – it’s bound to happen. The bigger he is and the closer he holds you, the less likely he is to fall out.

Hold him close by grabbing onto his buttock cheeks or wrapping your legs tightly around him. Or reach around with your hand and hold onto the base of his penis to keep him inside.

You have an allergic reaction to your partner

Lubricants, condoms, perfume or aftershave – all can trigger reactions if you’re sensitive to them, resulting in an itchy rash or feeling of ‘burning’ after sex.

Reactions usually appear about 10 to 30 minutes after contact and can last hours or days.

More rare but also possible: some people are allergic to their partner’s semen or to a protein in something their partner ate, such as nuts.

Inserting foods you shouldn’t into the vagina are also a prime cause of irritation. What inspires people to put hot, spicy or oily foods inside a vagina is anyone’s guess but – what a surprise! – the finely balanced pH levels of the vulva doesn’t appreciate it.

Also be aware of what your partner eats just before giving oral sex: if you’re particularly sensitive and the food was spicy, it can irritate or even leave mild burns.

If this happens, apply or insert natural yoghurt or whole milk to neutralise.

Also be wary of ice-cubes: they seem innocent but can stick to the delicate skin of the vulva if too ‘dry’.

You throw your back out

Lifting your partner, moving a little too fast or awkwardly in the wrong direction, thrusting at a weird angle: it’s all too easy to put your back out during sex, if you’re prone to it.

Avoid it happening by moving slowly, using cushions and furniture to provide support for backs and limbs and keeping position choices simple.

One of the worst positions for people with bad backs: spooning (the angle of bending isn’t great). Standing sex is another common culprit, probably because it involves someone lifting or holding up another.

If the worst happens, do what you normally do when your back goes: take ibuprofen and rest, or use an ice or heat pack to relieve inflammation.

You tear your vagina

Hurts just reading that sentence, right? Be particularly careful of an area just south of the vaginal opening called the posterior fourchette: it’s particularly prone to rips or tears.

Tears are usually caused by penetration happening before you’re aroused enough to allow the vagina to expand and lubricate. Over-enthusiastic thrusting will also do it, as will a match between a small, tight vagina and a larger than average penis.

Unless it’s a particularly large tear (which might mean antibiotics or a visit to the hospital or your doctor), most tears heal on their own. Just brace yourself for peeing: it stings like hell.

You develop post-orgasmic illness syndrome

What? I’m with you: until I researched this, I had no idea this syndrome even existed.

It’s more common in men than women and still rare but sufferers develop flu or allergy-like symptoms after they orgasm. A stuffy nose, fever, sneezing, headache and itchy eyes can all start within seconds or a few hours after orgasm. Sexy, eh?

Doctors have no idea what causes post-orgasmic illness syndrome but allergy medicines appear to lesson symptoms.

You have carpet burn

Good for you for taking sex off the boring old bed – but if you are planning on doing it on a scratchy, old carpet, put a towel down first.

Carpet burns are caused by friction and often aren’t noticed until afterwards because you’re, well, too busy enjoying yourselves.

If it happens, wash the infected area with cool water and antibacterial soap/wash. If the skin is broken, use antiseptic and antibacterial cream and cover with a bandage or plaster (though easier said than done, given most end up with it on their buttock cheeks or lower back).

You left a tampon or condom up there

OK, so it’s not officially a sex accident, but forgotten tampons are often discovered when the woman’s partner penetrates and feels something lodged in there.

The best thing to do if this happens, is to wait 15 minutes to allow the vagina to go back to its normal, unaroused state. (Arousal engorges the genitals and will make it harder to find.)

When everything is back to normal, reach two fingers inside and fish around to find it. If you can’t, make an appointment with your doctor and they can get it out for you.

Condoms often hide above or behind the cervix. Again, feel around with your fingers until you find something that feels like the top of your nose, then hook your fingers around to feel in the nook behind it.

You’ll find new toys in Tracey’s product ranges, Edge and supersex, on lovehoney.co.uk.

You can listen to her new weekly podcast, Mom’s Don’t Have Time to Have Sex, across all podcast platforms.