Man hesitant to marry paraplegic fiance

Posting anonymously on Reddit, the man explained his fears surrounded how his lifestyle will be impacted by his fiancee’s devastating injuries, who he stressed that he “still loves”.

He said the prospect of being her carer was the main source of his uncertainty, adding that “sex will be a challenge”.

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“I feel like I’ll be seen as the bad guy if I don’t marry her. I love her, but her becoming paraplegic has seriously altered how we live our lives,” he put to the US-based forum.

“To clarify, her disability was from a car accident; not an illness. I think about our future, and I don’t see how we’ll be a good fit. I can no longer be active with her, sex will be a challenge, and I will become her caretaker for the rest of my life.

“This is a very difficult decision for me to take. I don’t know what I should do. Should I break up with her, or should I wait a little longer to see if I will change my mind?”

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Responses to his conundrum were mixed, with many imploring him to seek therapy, while others asserted his fiancee “deserves better”.

Sympathising with the man, one person wrote: “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the feelings you’re experiencing and wanting to end the relationship due to his fiancee becoming a paraplegic. Not everyone wants to be a caretaker.

“This is a massive change, primarily for her, but also for you. You both need to give yourself time to grieve for the life you thought you would have. I’d definitely say seek out therapy to really investigate and reflect on your feelings. Perhaps you may want to postpone the wedding.

“If you want to leave, go. No one should feel obligated to be with someone and you’re entitled to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship,” they concluded.

Another agreed that therapy was the right path to take.

“This is likely a grieving process for both of you. It’s natural to be afraid and uncertain in times like this. There are things you can do to answer pretty much all of your concerns. Are you willing to find out if they work for you?”

Others, however, condemned him for even posing the question.

“She deserves someone that loves her fully, not someone that stays around because of obligation. If you’re not the right person, let her find them, don’t punish her with your pity,” one said.

Another weighed in: “When you’re up at the altar and you say ‘in sickness and in health’ this is the kind of thing it’s referring to. You’re already saying that your love for her is conditional, so do her a 100 per cent solid and don’t let her find that out after you’ve married her.

“I’m not going to say that you’re a bad person because the situation is quite tough, but it’s clear that you shouldn’t marry her unless you’re certain that you can accept her as she is. She deserves nothing less than someone who wants to be with her unconditionally.”

One more wrote that it would be an easy decision for them if they found themselves in the same position.

“ … I feel I would 100 per cent stand by man. I love his soul with my whole heart and I would do anything for him. Every day with him is a privilege. No sex isn’t really a problem for me personally and there are other forms of intimacy. I think he would do the same for me.,” they said.