Three words that ruined woman’s ‘great’ date

Posted By : Rina Latuperissa
5 Min Read

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It was one of those “great” first dates – the chat was flowing and there was an “immediate spark” between Chloe Sargeant and the woman she had agreed to meet for drinks.

As the night progressed, talk naturally turned to their previous relationships and while the woman mentioned a past girlfriend, Ms Sargeant began talking about her last relationship which just happened to be with a man.

“I was just candidly speaking and then when the penny dropped that I was bisexual rather than lesbian she’s like, ‘Oh you’re a bisexual,’ and I was like, ‘I am, I am a bisexual,’” Ms Sargeant, 30, told news.com.au.

“Her immediate response was she stood up, finished the rest of her drink and put the glass down and said, ‘Thanks for wasting my time,’ and walked out of the pub.”

Sadly, for people like Ms Sargeant, the experience isn’t unusual, with those who identify as bisexual often facing frustrating prejudices when it comes to dating.

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‘Hurtful’ assumptions about being bisexual

Sydney-based writer Ms Sargeant, who appears on this week’s episode of Insight, first realised she was attracted to both men and women at age 12 as the rest of her friends starting having crushes.

“I was one of those people that didn’t understand why my female friends were only developing crushes on boys,” she said.

“I was like, ‘Oh that’s weird.’ It took me a while to wrap my head around the fact that some people were only attracted to boys and some people were only attracted to girls.”

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Over the years Ms Sargeant dated both sexes, but most of her long-term relationships have been with men.

Revealing she was bisexual in her younger years could be daunting, she said, as she often encountered “hurtful” assumptions.

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“One of the big ones is that all bisexuals are hyper-sexual, so a lot of the cis men I’ve dated in the past have expected that at some point I would want to have a threesome,” Ms Sargeant said.

While she has always had monogamous relationships, some men assumed she was “not going to be satisfied” and would cheat with a woman.

While the vast majority of biphobia came from straight men, Ms Sargeant also found some women were reluctant to date her.

“What I have experienced with lesbians who are biphobic, they just assume that bisexual women will cheat on them with a man,” she said.

‘Shock’ reaction Australians have to dating bisexuals

Last month, the ABC’s Australia Talks survey asked 60,000 people whether they would be open to the idea of dating someone who was bisexual.

Of the respondents, 44 per cent said they were “not at all” open to the idea of dating someone who is bisexual, while a further 15 per cent said they would be reluctant but slightly open to the idea.

The survey’s finding was a confronting one for Ms Sargeant.

“I think my initial reaction, it was shock,” she said.

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“I’ve been openly bi for 14, 15 years now and even though I’ve dealt with a lot of biphobia throughout my life and a lot of these stereotypes, myths … it is one of those things that when you see a percentage that large you’re like, ‘Oh my god.’ It still takes you by surprise.”

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Ms Sargeant is appearing on Tuesday night’s episode of Insight on SBS to discuss her experiences alongside others who identify as bisexual.

She encourages people who want to learn more about bisexuality to read stories by bisexual people or better yet, talk to someone who is bisexual.

“We’re so widely misunderstood, a lot of people seem to be wary about broaching this subject as though it’s taboo,” Ms Sargeant said.

“But bisexuality isn’t taboo, we’re just your friendly neighbourhood bisexual, we’re happy to chat.”

Hear more from Chloe Sargeant and others on Insight’s Being Bisexual airing Tuesday 8.30pm on SBS and SBS On Demand.



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