‘Boris Johnson and Dominic Cummings are overgrown spoilt brats arguing like kids’

I don’t give a monkey’s who paid for Boris Johnson’s damn curtains or whether his missus keeps his ­testicles in her eco-friendly but-achingly expensive handbag.

Nor do I care a tinker’s cuss about whether a bloke who looks like a demented goblin has a list as long as his trip to Durham about what Bozo may or may not have said about anything.

What I do care about is when this ­pathetic bunch of overgrown spoilt brats ­arguing like kids in a playground start getting OUR lives back on track.

Did our PM actually utter the immortal words about letting bodies “pile high”? Probably. It’s the kind of thing he’d say in frustration. Did he mean it? No, of course not. Not because he particularly cares about any of us but because he wants to be liked and go down in history as a Churchillian leader.

What we have here is a slanging match between two narcissists intent on destroying one another, while the rest of us look on in dismay as the only thing being destroyed is our livelihoods, health and economy.

Dominic Cummings has had his nose put out of joint and wants his own back. Even worse in his world is that most of the damage was not done by the blond bumshell himself but by a mere woman. And her pet dog.

No idea how much influence Bozo’s fiancée Carrie Symonds, right, actually has over her man but happy wife, happy life applies to most relationships. Is she running the country? Well, aside from encouraging the PM to ­indulge in bit of badger and dolphin bothering probably not. But is there misogyny involved in dem-onising her? Yeah, of course.

Think about it. This is a young woman who makes the headlines because her dog sh*gged the leg of the Prime Minister’s chief adviser. The fact that the blokes involved were busy screwing the country is neither here not there evidently. Hmm. And can any of you seriously be surprised that ANY government anywhere in the world doesn’t have an element of sleaze, “lobbying”, mates rates and dodgy dealings?

Bet even St Jacinda of New Zealand has a few hidden shallows. And as for the scary lot running many of the European countries…Our problem is we have no real alternative do we? Keir Starmer has more splinters in his bum than a porcupine has spines, the Lib Dems are more who dem and all the others are, well, the others.

One of the latest polls appears to point to the fact that some of the mud slung at Bozo is starting to stick, while others show Labour is still lagging badly behind.

Who actually knows what the hell is going on any more? Or indeed how many bodies would have “piled high” if anyone – politician or scientist – had acted any differently?

Covid’s holy grail of data is all over the shop depending on which country – and in America, which state – you look at. What we DO know is that we are now ­facing an avalanche of cancer deaths, mental health problems and poverty. Yet we’re shouting at wallpaper? Really?

Who said what to whom and when can be dealt with once we’re through this and the public inquiries begin.

But can we just get through it first, please? Because while Chatty Rats and Humping Dogs are bursting the self-obsessed West-minster bubble, some of us are more concerned with the real business in hand.

Getting our damned lives back.